Wolves GM David Kahn
The Wolves took out a full-page ad in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune Monday in order to present a cloying message to fans of the struggling team. It wasn't so much a "thank you for sticking with this" or "sorry for being terrible" -- full-page ads typically fall into one of those categories, "thank you" or "sorry" -- as it was a plea of continued trust. Typically, a plea for continued trust would thank fans for sticking around through the bad times or apologize for wasting fans' time and money. But this letter is too busy being absurdly saccharine to do any of that.
Luckily, the Timberwolves have followed up their original open letter with a second open letter, to cover what they missed the first time. Wolves GM David Kahn decided to consult with noted open letter stylist Dan Gilbert before finalizing this edition. (Note: this is made-up, something we, not the Timberwolves, wrote just now, as satire.)
Dear Wolves Fans,
The time for talk isn't actually over, as we stated in our first open letter on Monday. We just said that because that makes it sound like we're actually doing something, instead of talking about stuff that's been done. We figured that if we said there will be lots more talking and not so much actual action until February or even next July -- heck, maybe 2012, who knows? -- we figured if we were honest you'd light your Sam Mitchell jersey on fire and renounce the Minnesota Timberwolves franchise, and we really don't want you to do that. Please don't do that. Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments
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